How to Plan a Small Group Retreat

This is a guest post by Eddie Chung, who has been co-leading a small group in our church for several years. 

​This year, as we did last year, we had a summer weekend retreat for our small group. I love having these retreats.  Nothing accelerates relational development quite like these extended getaways. They bear fruit for a long time thereafter as our whole small group seems to operate off of this advanced jump off point throughout the year as we share, pray and welcome others into our group.

For newcomers, this experience is especially pronounced. Last year we had a newcomer to our small group that was still feeling his way around. During the retreat we had a time of sharing briefly about our life journeys and we learned about how this brother became Christian, the role of his family in his life, and some of the values that define him. When small group started a month later, he wasn't still feeling his way around, but treated himself (as did we) like a core member of the group who was making the group happen and not just there to observe. 

Even among the small group core, these retreats do so much to help us feel comfortable with each other. So much of our experience of each other can be relatively superficial (why is X always so late, how come J talks so little during small group etc.) but there are things that I discover about them in the course of long drives or intentional q+a times that I am not sure I would have ever learned about otherwise. 

There's a lot to planning these trips, but I would actually say that the effort/reward ratio is actually among the highest of the things we do to lead the group. Below I've included some tips about how you can plan your own small group trip next summer or even sometime this fall or spring:

1) If you are planning a summer trip, send out a doodle early (preferably April) and book a place as soon as possible. Summer weekends fill up fast and as much as possible, you want everyone to make it to the trip. The more popular vacation homes fill up soon, but more importantly you want the other small group members to protect that weekend and look forward to it. I would also highly highly recommend sharing one home together. 

2) Divide the responsibilities. There's a number of things to arrange (looking for housing, planning meals and shopping, planning fun activities, planning spiritual activities, arranging rides, managing finances, etc.) but it's manageable if divided up among the trip participants. 

3) Plan the bonding/get to know each other activities w/ more care. The small group retreat will still be great if food and games go awry, but creating space for bonding and also developing more intentional bonding activities are what really make these trips memorable. Some of the things our small group has done include passenger rotation on the long drives, pre-arranged get to know each other questions for the drives, evening show and tell times where each member shows/demonstrates something significant from their lives, sharing pictures and life journeys time, etc.

4) I have a number of spreadsheets related to our trips that may be of assistance too.

Great Books for Small Groups

Although not all small groups like to use books for the content/ learning piece of the small group gathering, I thought it would be useful to share a short list of books which I have found helpful in the past.  As always, please consider the personality make up and other contextual factors of your group as you select a book to read and discuss together.  Some groups have assigned books to read over the summer and gather at the end of the summer to discuss and share what they have learned.  

Please feel free to add to this list in the comments section if you'd like.  This list is meant to get the conversation started.


Topic:  Prayer and Spirituality

1.    Too Busy Not to Pray:  Slowing down to be with God by Bill Hybels.  Hybels is clear, personable and easy to learn from.  The later editions have questions for reflection and discussion in the back.

2.     Celebration of Discipline: The Path to Spiritual Growth by Richard Foster.   I have found it useful to even select a few chapters and highlight a few of the inward or outward spiritual disciplines that the small group may be especially interested in learning about and trying.

3.    Power to Pray: God's Immense Purposes for our Simple Prayers by Don Andresson.  The author is a Vineyard pastor from Massachusetts who has good scriptural teaching and an inspirational perspective on prayer.

Topic:  Parenting and Family

1.   Never Mind the Joneses: Building Core Christian Values in a Way that Fits your Family  by Philip Yancy.  This book talks about how to be thoughtful, creative, and intentional about how you lead your family into the deeper values of the Gospel.

2.  Motherhood:  A Spiritual Journey  by Ellyn Sanna  I re-read this book each time I was in an era of staying awake through the night to feed a new baby.  It was new and different each time.  I think I'll read it again now that I'm firmly in my life as a "if I don't get much sleep at night it's my own fault" parent.


Topic:  Being Missional and Outward Focused

1.   God's Relentless Pursuit:  Discovering His Heart for Humanity by Phil Strout.  This is a great book about entering into God's Mission.  The discussion/ reflection questions at the end are clear and helpful.

2.     Missional Small Groups:  Becoming a Community that Makes a Difference in the World by M. Scott Boren.  There are some great, practical ideas in this book.

A Few Simple Small Group Meal Ideas

This is a guest post from church member Jennifer Rodriguez who has been helping to make small groups happen for many years.  She is especially skilled at feeding large groups of people quickly, happily and simply.  By the way, her chocolate chip cookies are to die for.  

Our small group meets late Sunday afternoon 4 - 6 pm.  Right after the meeting we eat dinner together.  To get a hot meal we have adopted a basic two meal rotation.

Our two basic meals are Spaghetti with Sauce (meat optional) and Potato Bar.  The cost for these meals is easily under $ 40 - estimating 10 adult servings for each meal.  The estimated food cost is divided equally amongst all the families.

In our situation one family always prepares the meal.  This decision was made because we have a person who really likes to cook as well as having several families with small children who enjoy getting a night off from cooking.

Spaghetti Set-up

Before the meeting I cook a large pot of  spaghetti & drain it under tap water.  The spaghetti rests on the counter in a cover bowl during the meeting.  Meanwhile I heat sauce in a crock pot.  When we do not have vegetarians we add meat.  If you have extra sauce it can easily be frozen & used later.

I also prepare a basic salad.  Once again it rest covered on the counter until meal time.  Just as we are eating I toss the salad with dressing.

We also have sliced French bread with butter – not heated or made fancy with garlic.

Potato bar Set-up

One hour before the meeting I cook potatoes wrapped in aluminum foil.   Once kinship starts I turn off the oven – the potatoes tend to stay hot if left in a closed oven.  If you need to transport them or take them out of the oven you can wrap them in a large towel & keep them in a plastic “ice-chest.”

At meal time for toppings I set out sour cream, chopped green onions, grated cheese & butter

In the crock pot I heat canned vegetarian chili.  (For my crock pot I have to fill it 2/3 full to heat something which means I often have left overs & so I freeze it for future use.)

During the potato bake time I also steam a head of broccoli – after cooking it I drain it & let is rest covered on the counter until meal time.

I also prepare a basic salad.  Once again it rest covered on the counter until meal time.  Just as we are eating I toss the salad with dressing.

Kid-snack time

We have several toddlers in our group.  And so as a group we decided that feeding the kids snacks was OK even if that meant they did not eat as much dinner that night.  We set out string cheese, baby carrots and pretzels as well as juice boxes for kids to “graze on” whenever they want to.  The cost for these items is added to the nightly food bill.

As you can see our meal plan involves preparation before the meeting & then letting food rest at room temperate during the meeting.   If someone really wants their food hot they can always use the microwave – otherwise we enjoy room temperature spaghetti with hot sauce or a warm potato with hot chili.  

How to Stay Connected Over the Summer

"I miss school" my daughter told me with a sigh this morning.  She's totally enjoying her summer with it's requisite BBQ gatherings, swimming and other relaxing, fun times.  But I think she's feeling a little out of sorts at not having her regular routine and the regular relational connection that comes with it.  She misses her teacher and all of the students that she appreciates but doesn't know well enough to initiate a playdate with.

I think that the same can be true for our small group communities.  In our church, most of our small groups take a break or meet less regularly.  It's nice to downshift or take a rest from our regular meeting schedule (especially for the leaders and the hosts) but after a few weeks, I find that people can start feeling lonely and disconnected.  We miss each other.

How can we stay connected with our smaller "tribes" within our church when you are not meeting as regularly?

Here are a few suggestions:

1.     Initiate some short email connections.  Ask people if they would email out any quick prayer requests for this month or any encouraging things that have been going on.  You might want to kick it off by sharing a prayer request or a testimony yourself.

2.     Make something spontaneous happen.  We encourage our group members to just let people know if they are going out to ice cream or to a movie and invite whoever is available to come along.  Not everyone will be able to go but it's nice to have the opportunity.   Lunch after church is a great idea since people are there already anyhow.  You just have to let people know a restaurant and a time.

3.     Let people know now when things are going to start back up in the fall.  I find that it helps people to know that, even if they are less connected now, that regular routine of meeting will come back soon. People can put it into their calendar and look forward to an actual date to begin a more intensive time of community.

4.     Be thoughtful.  Take some time to think about what your small group members are doing or going through this summer.  What did people share about before you took a break for the summer?  Is someone going on an exciting vacation?  Is someone going through a difficult time at work?  Is someone's health an ongoing issue?  Ask people when you see them (or by other means of communication) about specific things in their lives.  It is a great blessing for people to know that you are thinking of them and remembering what they have shared about their summers.  This will help them (and you) to feel less disconnected.

5.    Finally, a little hunger for community can be a good thing.  It's great to say, "I miss seeing you" to a fellow small group member and to look forward to more regular connection together.

Do you have any other specific ideas about how to stay connected.  Please feel free to add your ideas and comments below.

How to Host a Small Group at Your Home

I love having small groups gather in my home.  In addition to forcing me to tidy up my house, we get to experience, close up, a kingdom value which is high on my list-- living life together.  One of the benefits of our church not having a building is that we are forced to go to one another's homes, which weaves us together in a deeper, more organic way than just meeting in a more neutral, less personal venue.

However, hosting small groups in one's home is not without costs and an excellent small group experience at a home necessitates some thoughtfulness and wisdom.  I thought it might be helpful to share a few tips and perspectives that I've gathered from people over the years on how to do a good job hosting a gathering in your home.

Before the meeting:

1.     On cleaning up your house:  It's natural for you to want to welcome your guests into a nice looking setting and, in general, clutter is not restful.  However, please keep in mind that you don't have to be Martha Stewart.  Vaccuum and put out chips if you want to but you should know that what people really want is simply a place to gather and focus on God and each other.  If they can do that, the rest is gravy.

2.    Consider the physical temperature.  One practical thing that you will want to think about is whether your gathering space will be too hot or too cold.  Remember that your house will be filled with people, and the collective body heat will raise the thermometer within 20 minutes of the meeting's starting time.

3.     Consider the spiritual temperature. Take a few minutes before people show up to sit down and get a sense of how you are doing as a host.  Frazzled?  Anxious?  Give those things to Jesus.  If you are having tension with your co-hosts (housemates, kids, spouse?), take a minute to express love, appreciation and a desire to reconcile or reconnect later.  Make sure that you take some time to pray that the Holy Spirit would fill the space of your home.

During the gathering:

4.     One of the most important things that you can do is to make sure that each person is welcomed warmly and personally as they walk through your door.  This might mean a hug or a handshake or a "so glad that you came!"  Studies show that the first 7 seconds that a person is in a new place or meets a new person makes a tremendous impact on their overall sense of comfortability in the long term.  Sharing a smile and making eye contact with each person who walks through your door is very important to helping someone to feel like they are wanted and welcome at a gathering.

5.     Let people help out.  There are usually a lot of dishes and moving of furniture etc. You will be a much better member of your group if you are not the only one taking care of the practical things around your house.  It's easy to wave people off at first and let them just chat while you do all of the clean up but this is neither healthy for a group nor is it very sustainable long term.  Group participants will take their cues from you regarding whether it's ok for them to help out with things that need to be done.  I find that it's helpful to create a culture of everyone pitching in from early on.  Don't just depend on people asking to pitch in, invite them to do so.  Show people where the paper plates are, how to take the trash out and how you like your dishes done.  You will not regret this!


After the gathering:

6.     If people are having a good time and staying past your bedtime, feel free to gently but directly tell them that you need to head toward bed and that you look forward to seeing them again soon.  People are much more served by direct communication when it comes to these boundaries rather than indirect irritation.

7.     If you are hosting the group on a regular basis, ask a trusted group member for any feedback on your hosting style.  Do your pets smell?  Are your kids distractingly loud?  Are you too much like Martha and not enough like Mary?  If you give people permission to give you feedback, you are more likely to get an honest answer and you are more likely to be a good, happy host.

8.     Take some time to ask yourself how it's going hosting.  What do you enjoy and what is burdensome to you?  Are there ways that you need to ask others to help out more?  Are there systems that need to be recreated so that it works better for you?  For example, someone who hosted a small group in her home each week realized that she really enjoyed hosting but it would help if the group met at someone else's place once a month so she could have a break.  You don't have to keep doing something just because it was set up this way.  Ask yourself and ask God how you can be thoughtful and creative about hospitality so that it continues to be a joy to serve.

Do you have any other thoughts that you would add?  Please feel free to comment.